


yours, yours, yours

by johnllauren



Series: john laurens, who is very much a trans boy [2]
Category: Hamilton - Miranda
Genre: Cuddling & Snuggling, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Gender Dysphoria, Hurt/Comfort, M/M, Trans John, Trans Male Character, written by trans author
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2018-08-17
Updated: 2018-08-17
Packaged: 2019-06-28 21:38:25
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 948
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15715578
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/johnllauren/pseuds/johnllauren
Summary: It’s one ofthose daysand John is miserable. Alex is there to help him.





	yours, yours, yours

It’s one of _those days,_ one of those days when John wants to rip his skin off, or just plain cry and never get out of bed, or do something really stupid that he knows he shouldn’t talk about. 

He’s standing in the doorway of Alex’s house, because Alex told him to come over, and he texts Alex to let him in because he doesn’t want to knock and face George, Alex’s adoptive dad, who is so lovely and accommodating but also pitying, and John doesn’t want to look at anyone when he looks like this. 

Alex opens the door, and John steps inside, closing the door behind him, and then Alex opens his arms and John falls into them. 

“John, baby, hi, it’s okay, you’re here.” Alex whispers. John nods but he just stands there for a little while, not moving. 

“Let’s get you cleaned up, okay?” Alex asks, and John finally steps out of the hug. 

By now, he’s crying, and the wretched makeup his father makes him wear is running down his face, and he’s _miserable_. Alex leads him into the bathroom and John washes his face until it’s red and raw and burns because he wants to be sure all the makeup is _off._ He messes his hair up so it’s frizzy and then puts it into a messy ponytail so it almost looks like he’s got short hair. 

Alex rubs his back all the while. 

They go into his room, and Alex has an entire drawer in his closet labeled with his name and a heart next to it and it’s just full of stuff for John that John can’t have at home. While John pulls out his binder and packer and searches for clothes big enough to mask his figure that also smell like Alex, Alex turns both the fan and the air conditioner on.

John is so grateful for that boy. 

“Do you want me to leave while you change?” Alex asks, coming back so he’s next to John, holding his hand. 

John shakes his head. “Just… turn around.” 

Alex nods. “Okay.” He steps closer to John and presses a kiss to his collarbone (it’s exposed because of the god awful tube top he’s wearing). “John, I love you, okay? John, baby, you’re handsome, and you’re a boy, and I love you, and we’re going to have a good day together, okay? I love you.” 

John offers some kind of pitiful noise as a thanks. 

Then he steps back, and sits on his bed and turns around and John gets changed. 

John sits next to Alex on the bed once he’s changed (his other clothes neatly folded and put behind Alex’s bookshelf, because he doesn’t want to think about putting them on until he has to leave). “Hi.” 

“Hey, baby.” Alex gathers John into his arms and leans against the wall, and then he’s humming softly and tracing patterns onto John’s back through his sweatshirt because he knows it calms John down. They stay like that until John’s breathing evens out. 

“Do you want to talk about it?” Alex asks gently. 

John doesn’t know how to talk about it. He doesn’t know how to describe it, or how to express how much it _hurts_ in words, and he knows that he would just get worked up again, and he already feels like an inconvenience, so he just shakes his head, and Alex understands. 

“Okay, so do you want to watch a movie?” Alex asks, and John nods. 

“As long as we can cuddle.” John practically mumbles. 

Alex giggles. “Of course, dearest.” 

He gets off his bed and stands in front of his DVD shelf, picking the movie version of _1776_ without even thinking about it, because that’s their favorite. Then he puts it into the DVD player and turns the television on and gets it playing, while John configures a blankets-and-pillows-and-cuddling setup on his bed. 

Alex slides into the bed as the movie starts playing. John holds the blanket up for him, and he slides in, wrapping his arms around John. John burrows his head into Alex’s shoulder. 

They make eyes at each other for most of the overture, occasionally kissing. Eventually a small smile makes its way onto John’s face and then Alex starts kissing all over his face until he laughs. 

Alex only stops this barrage when - 

_”I have come to the conclusion that one useless man is called a disgrace, that two are called a law firm, and that three or more become a Congress! And by God, I have had this Congress!”_ They exclaim at the same time, mimicking the horrid accent on the television. 

And then they stay like that until after “Yours, Yours, Yours” when they have to pause to get food. 

Once they’ve returned to their blanket throne with ice cream and hot pretzels, they press play, and get back into the same cuddly position. John smiles while Alexander kisses him, and they both have cold lips from all the ice cream, and their arms are so tightly wrapped around each other that he doubts they could ever let go. 

“Thank you.” John says, and it sounds like a stupid phrase because he means so much more, but thank you is all he can manage. 

“Of course, John.” Alex replies, and he punctuates it with another kiss. 

John knows he’s going to have to leave Alex’s place, and it’ll feel like being thrown to the wolves, and just thinking about it makes him tear up, so he pushes the thought from his mind. Right now he’s safe, and he’s with Alex, and Alex knows he’s a boy, and Alex loves him. 

And that’s enough.

**Author's Note:**

> inspired by the fact that school starts soon and i go to an all-girls school :( 
> 
> anyway im glad people liked the first fic in this series! its kind of a therapy piece but im really happy people actually like it. if anyone wants to talk or say hi or something my tumblr is lafayettesass!


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